During my adult life, I’ve worked quite a few random jobs. 2 of these positions introduced me to a “type” of managerial behavior that leads to collapse. It has very specific elements to it that I’ll do my best to explain here. In both cases, the management team were husband/wife duos. One couple started a landscaping at snow removal business. They’d been married for 12 years. The second was a strange arrangement. He married her and took her in as the #2 boss for an oil field parts supplier.
First, let’s think of an ideal manager, with an understanding that nobody is ideal. They’re not terribly emotional. Upbeat and positive, yes, but they understand that big emotional displays of any kind will eventually be interpreted as lack of self-control. If they have to write someone up, the write them up. If firing is necessary, they fire them, with a……..
“Sorry it’s not working out. Best of luck”
Because it’s bad to have resentful ex-employees around. They set expectations and train. They understand that they’re dealing with the same labor pool, potential customers and suppliers as their competition, and the goal is to know and maximize these variables.
In both of the downward spiral management teams, the couples were driven hard by fantasies. This was their brass ring. They’d given up jobs elsewhere to make it big. They had pictures of fancy houses or vacation spots on the wall. That was the endgame. That’s what they were entitled to. But neither couple had any ability or even desire to manage. They had an image of themselves as bosses……giving out orders while the company managed itself, although they didn’t see themselves that way. They thought themselves great managers and wise in the ways of people. They tried to manage by giving or taking favor from employees. There was little to no training or accountability and in both cases, the managers would rarely work. All employees would go through a cycle. At first, we were loved and excused for any screw ups. When it became apparent that we weren’t going to single handedly turn their company around, the downward spiral began. The longer an employee stayed, the more negativity built up, even if their performance improved. In both cases, the was a very strong “In group/out group” to the operation. In group folks (new empolyees) weren’t blamed for anything. The managers seemed to think that by bestowing favor upon them, it’d turn them into star performers. In both cases, there were big boundary violations with employees…..monitoring them and their friends on social media, taking cell phone, putting GPS and secret cameras in places. After things started going downhill, the primary emphasis was putting the blame on someone. Both management teams fancied themselves psychology experts. They’d talk and talk about their employees, diagnose them with whatever, and got to thinking that their job as managers was to dispense their conclusions onto their employees. It wouldn’t surprise me if the folks at Harvard Business school have a name for this. As things continued to collapse, these problematic behaviors intensified. The “in group/out group” became stronger and paranoia set in. Everybody had a sense that they decisions were being made that they weren’t in on……that was deliberate.
This describes my parents. There was very little parenting or desire to form healthy relationships with their children. Brigid believed that she was entitled to “smart jock” kids…….a woman who grew up playing no sports, no instruments (hardly did anything in fact. Her lack of activity was so odd, it’s made me wonder if she was identified as a special needs kid) and received average grades, despite tremendous parental support. Deal ole’ dad is far more self-absorbed and resentful than his outward appearance would suggest. He was fine with the all-show nature of our family. To this day, even as his family has dissolved to mush, he’s happy if only everybody will get together for family photos.
They had the self-reflection abilities of a rock. Doing things that built trust and bonds with their children hardly ever happened. It wasn’t something they wanted to do, and so didn’t, and apparently couldn’t imagine how that might be a problem. As things got worse, they isolated themselves from their kids more and more. There was always weird things going on in the background behind a vail. They both took to parenting by formalities like holidays, birthdays and vacations, voicing expectations, approval and disapproval. That was about it.
momboandme 